


and i'll be your safety

by soundingawkward



Series: (i'm as cold as the wind blows) so hold me in your arms [2]
Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundingawkward/pseuds/soundingawkward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>besides, louis asks himself, how do you even tell someone you keep dreaming about them dying in lots of different painful ways? do you just spit it out whilst you're cuddling on the couch, or when they're shoveling food into their mouths as quickly as possible when they're late for work? perhaps maybe in the shower whilst they're making sure not to get any conditioner into your eyes, blurt it out and then screech because they got the chemicals into your eyes and it fucking hurts. or, even when they're bitching about all the milk being gone, complaining that you've left the empty carton in the fridge and you say "hey so i keep dreaming of you dying, i can't be responsible for any comfort milk consumption." </p><p>(or the one where louis has nightmares about losing nick and things about cuddling get a bit ridiculous again.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i'll be your safety

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tardiscrashing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardiscrashing/gifts).



> no kudos to [colette](http://thattomlinsonsass.tumblr.com) because i did not need to start another dumb tomlinshaw that no one but her cares about. fucking hell okay, i have enough ideas on my own without prompts. i love you. 
> 
> this is set in the same au as [cover me up, cuddle me in](http://archiveofourown.org/works/709110) it's not necessary to read that one first, but there's stuff relating to it/said about it, and the title is also from kiss me by ed sheeran. unbeta'd and dumb and i didn't know how to end it and i guarantee mistakes i'm sorry i'm tired.
> 
> *edit; all gross comments have been spammed and will be spammed in the future.

when louis wakes there's still fretful dreams clinging to him; turning his hands clammy and cold, catching in the sweat upon his brow, and biting into his bare skin. he wakes with a start, eyes wide and breathing laboured, his chest rising and falling in dramatic swoops. he stares into the dark, up at the bare ceiling and counts slowly up to six and back again, trying to calm the harsh pants slipping past his lips like he always used to go when one of his sisters had a nightmare. it seems to work, at least enough so he can roll over press himself up into a warm back without his chest feeling like he's run a marathon.

"mm, lou you kay?" nick's obviously not really awake, just on the border of sleep and conciousness and louis kisses his bare shoulder, sorry he woke him.  
"yeah, go back to sleep," he says, although by the sounds of nick's snuffles and tiny little snores he didn't stick awake to actually hear louis' answer. louis pushes himself closer, gently presses his fingers into nick's sides and holds on, and listens to the steady thump of nick's heart beat, listens until he's sure it's actually there, that nick is _okay_ , and nothing's going to happen.

"it was just a dream," louis tells himself, but never the less, he doesn't fall back to sleep.

-

it's half way through his show when nick remembers the strange conversation in the middle of the night, and mostly it's because louis is standing in his sweats, coffees in his hands and beanie shoved down on his head in the studio way door. he makes rounds to the rest of the team, mutters apologies about how the orders might not quite be right, although they obviously are and situates himself into nick's lap. nick's coffee is perfect, and the boy in his lap is warm and cuddly, and he forgets completely about rousing in the middle of the night to louis trying to crawl into his skin.

the rest of the show flies by; ian jokes that the ratings go up by fify per cent simply because louis' in the studio, and another twenty because lmc tweets pictures of him sitting in nick's lap, stealing nick's headphones. the caller for show quizness spends half the quiz gushing about how cute louis looks all cuddled up tight to nick, and louis doesn't seem overly worried about how much his management team is going to be pulling their hair out. when nick mentions it between links, rhianna still singing inaccurately about diamonds, louis rolls his eyes and huffs out a "fuck the police." which has lmc in a fit of hysterics.

(sometimes, nick's glad he's not a part of louis' management; he's certain he wouldn't have any hair if he was. louis has this way of doing exactly what he's not supposed to, this way of looking at the rules and finding all the loop holes and exploiting them. "they can't stop me from spending time with my boyfriend," louis says seriously once fiona's rubbed lmc's back to calm her down a little, "they'd just prefer it if it wasn't hugely in the public's eye. they have to do damage control when you're a part of it, you're a bad influence grimshaw.")

nick takes him to lunch once they're done in the studio, because he _is_ a good boyfriend thank you very much, and they get papped slipping into a quiet little sandwhich bar. nick really does feel sorry for louis' management, as a couple louis and nick might be out, but it's not something the management want to be in the tabloids everyday and louis seems to want to make sure they're front page news for at least a week. he holds nick's hand in the street, curls up so close to nick it the booth nick has to physically move back a little so he can breathe, drinks out of nick's mug and eats half of nick's lunch.

and, nick loves the attention because at heart that's what he lives for, and well it's _louis_ , but he wonders where all this is coming from; wonders why louis kisses him goodbye in the shop as well as on the street before leaving for tour rehersals.

-

louis doesn't sleep very well the next night; nick can tell because he's got circles under his eyes when he comes home from rehersals and nick curls up with him on the couch and kisses him when the add breaks happen. louis is all warm and up in his space when they go to sleep; draped over him and legs tangled and it's really nice, but also kind of restricting. nick likes room to sleep, and with louis' nose in his clavicle and groins lined up there really isn't any.

he finally gets just a little too claustriphobic for these sleeping conditions and when louis' drifted off he untangles them and puts louis' gently over on his side of the bed more. kisses the frown off louis' forehead and wakes up with louis octopusing him, the feel of louis' heart thudding under his fingers.

-

"been papped a lot with louis lately," finchy says about a week later when nick's talking about his latest gym session and they have about a second of dead air before nick recovers and finishes his story about the god awful lunges that he and lmc are subject to.  
"really," nick says because he _knows_  they have, seen the daily articles and the pictures and is quite ready to block this reporter chap that keeps ringing him up to talk about louis, "i hadn't noticed."  
"yeah," fiona says helpfully and nick gives her a look, "there's like constantly new photos and the pair of you look really cuddly and happy, got anything you want to tell us?"

and, suddenly nick's got four producers staring at him and he can almost imagine half of britain or the world or something leaning forwards to listen better to what he's got to say.

"nothing really," he clears his throat, "louis' just been a bit clingy lately - that's all. he's going away on tour soon, so we wont get to see each other much then." there's a collective aw, and nick's not sure but he thinks he physically heard people everywhere join in. they take a caller who mumbles sincere apologies that they have to spend time a part and offers to tweet nick pictures of louis whilst performing and some obnoxious hashtag trends all day.

-

louis is in nick's space the second he gets home, arms curling underneath this jacket and feet standing atop nick's shoes. nick wraps an arm about louis' waist and walks him like he would his nephew or niece so louis' still balancing on top of his shoes. he struggles to take his jacket off, and just leaves it on the floor as he wraps the other arm around louis and picks louis up so he can toe off his shoes, and then carries louis over to the couch.

they order takeout and louis demands a piggyback over to the front door when it rings, gets weird looks from the delivery guy and tips him just a bit too much. nick's sure he doesn't get to half his food because it's disappearing into louis' mouth before it can get near enough to his. because, louis is there, in his lap and curled up in his arms and its kind of a bit much. - and, don't get nick wrong because he loves cuddling with louis, loves having his boyfriend around, loves him so stupidly much, but this, well this is just a bit ridiculous.

it can't just be that louis is going on tour, because louis has been on tour before; spent weeks away and nick has had to go to sleep to a cold bed and not have boy squished into him in the mornings and listened to his weary voice over crackling telephone lines. they've had stupid fights because they've been so far away from each other and gotten over lame problems and louis had rung nick up in the middle of the night to drunkenly laugh about the time nick wasn't sure where the boundries about cuddling actually were.

"lou," nick murmurs into sleep mussed hair, fitting his hand along the curve of louis' waist and louis looks up, nearly knocking nick's glasses off, "is something up?"  
"i don't know what you're talking about," louis says, almost a little too fast and nick raises his eyebrow condescendingly until louis hits him in the stomach, "i'm serious, why do you think something is up?"  
"you're just being extra clingy all of a sudden - you're sure everything is okay?" nick presses and louis rolls his eyes exaggeratedly and nick's not sure he wants to hear as louis opens his mouth.

"is this another one of those cuddling things?" he asks and nick snorts, he's been a bit afraid this was going to be brought against him a little every time he's got something important to say and it certainly looks to be the case, "because you know, we're allowed to talk about things. if this is too much cuddling, you can just say something, don't need to turn into like a circus again."  
"ha, you're so very funny," nick says dryly, "no, it's absolutely fine, it's just different. and i'm serious too, are you sure everything is okay?"

"everything's great." louis replies and nick's not sure he believes him.

and later, when louis is doozing off and nick's not far behind him they curl up in bed. louis seems to forget he has his very own side with a table and a mirror and everything; got his own pillows and his own half of the bed, got a space to put his glasses and a drinks bottle to sip at if he gets thirsty in the middle of the night. because he's right up in nick's, pushed up so close nick thinks vaguely about offering to share pyjamas or something before he drifts off, wondering what really is wrong.

-

louis goes on tour and nick gets more space. and, well he feels a bit bad being so glad about it, because he it feels a bit like he's happy louis' gone and that's not the case at all, it's just he's been suffocating under louis' constant presence; louis' constant need to be a second away from inside nick's skin. he misses louis - whines to all his friends and half the nation about it - but he's glad he can sleep without his temperature being ridiculously high or wake up with boy so tightly wound around him he's sure he probably died in the night at one point from lack of oxygen.

it's kind of weird after a while though; there's no boy in his face most of the time, no one keeping him in constant company or holding his hand in the most inappropriate moments. and his closet is empty because louis seems to have taken half of nick's clothes as well as his own away. louis' toothbrush doesn't sit in its place next to nick's and he has to go out buy more of his shampoo because apparently louis took nick's pretentious brand despite the jibes he made about how hipster it was.

there's other things missing too which should be because they belong to louis; but nick finds himself worrying when they're not in their rightful places. goes searching for an hour because he thinks he's missplaced louis' glasses, freaks out a bit because he was sure louis' favourite sweater was in the wash but it doesn't come out of the dryer. finds himself wondering what's up because louis isn't there, breathing in his exhale most of the time.

-

louis wakes with a start.

his eyes flick wide open, breathing laboured and sweat upon his brow. the sheets are tangled around his legs, fingers knotted so tight his knuckles are probably white. he lays in the cold until his chest stops its rapid rise and fall, until the sweat has dried spiking up his hair ridiculously, and he can pry his fingers away from the wrecked sheets. he shivers in the cold air, shivers because he remembers his dream and a dry, achy sob escapes his lips and _there's no body beside him_.

panicky and forgetful, louis reaches out, stretches his little body across the bed searching. his fingers only pat at empty sheets and soft pillows. swearing he then turns his hands to the beside table and fumbles across the unfamiliar lamp until he hits the switch on and light floods the alien room. closets and bed posts and other things that are forgien to louis litter the room and he remembers he's on tour; he's away right now, nick's still in london.

breathing deeply louis wraps the sheets around himself and sits there in the unknown place until his hands have stopped shaking. mumbling, he tells himself it's only a dream, it had only been a dream, and then tries to tuck himself back to sleep. he flicks the lamp off, and is plunged back into darkness, but sleep evades him. dances away with each careful, measured breath he takes, laughs everytime louis tries to close his eyes and the scenes from his dreams play out in front of his eyes again.

"fuck," he whispers into the morning air, and then he wiggles a hand out of the covers to find his phone upon the beside table. it's ridiculously early - like half four in the morning and would be even earlier where nick is, but the thought of putting the phone back down and not knowing if nick is okay makes louis almost want to be sick. sighing he slides it open and brings up nick's contact; a stupid photo of nick and him making faces together. he stares at it in the dark, stares at the bright light pouring from where nick's wrinkling up his nose as louis presses a kiss to his cheek, and then presses the call button.

-

"nick," a voice huffs out as he finally finds his phone, pressing at the answer button upon it hurridely and squishes it to his ear. nick lets out a sigh, and rolls over so he's not half falling out of bed.  
"yes babe," he replies, and he hears louis sigh over the line too, like he's been having trouble breathing and just finally got it under control and nick sits bolt upright, a little worried.

"um, it's nothing really," louis says vaguely and nick harrumphs, "i just, i just needed - wanted - to hear your voice is all, did i wake you?" he sounds so apologetic that nick lets all his annoyance fade away.  
"lou, it's like -" nick peers over at his alarm on the bedside table, "two am here? something like that, of course you woke me. it must be ridiculously early in the morning too for you, why are you up so early?"  
"um, photoshoot," louis mumbles, "i'm sorry i woke you, i just wanted to check up on you and all. sorry about that, i wasn't thinking really."

"louis," nick says carefully and measuredly, like he's learnt it from harry, "are you _okay_?"

"yeah, yeah," louis says just as carefully back, his breath still a little short and nick doesn't belive he really is for one second, "i'll go now, i'm super sorry about waking you and stuff, i'll just - ."  
"no, it's okay," nick interrupts before louis does actually hang up on him and leave nick awake for the rest of the morning, leave him distracted all day at work because he's worrying about his boy, "i won't be able to sleep anyway, and besides i miss you, talk to me."  
"yes you will, i'm proper sorry i woke you, just go back to sleep." louis replies, and it sounds a bit like his throat is constricting, like he's trying to hold back tears and nick doesn't know what to do.

"you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" nick presses, because this is _weird_  and so what if he's worried okay, things just don't seem right.  
"i just miss you a bit," louis says and then quickly hangs up. and, when nick tries to call him back he doesn't answer it; hits the reject button and then eventually turns his photo off so nick's calls just go straight to message bank.

-

they've already been in this interview for nearly twenty minutes and louis hasn't heard a single thing that's been said. he didn't fall back to sleep after calling nick early in the morning, and his make up artist chided him for approximately half an hour before the interview because she couldn't hide the bags under his eyes. liam's babbling on about some story louis' sure has been said a million times before and zayn's shoulder is comfortable, so he just closes his eyes so it looks a bit like he's squinting and tries to dooze off a little.

it's not until a few minutes later louis realises he's being addressed, concerned looking interviewer repeating his name and zayn protectively wrapping an arm about him. he blinks his eyes open, stares vaguely at the scarily long nails coming closer and closer to him, bright blues clacking painfully loud and maybe, if zayn's arm wasn't there he'd probably be up and out of his seat. it's only for a second, but he remembers _the_  dream, remembers the colours and he doesn't want to see that anymore, needs to check his mobile once more to ensure the missed calls are still coming in from nick.

"you alright lewis," the interviewer says, it's not even really a question and louis wonders if he should really answer it because he's not sure if it's actually directed to him or what, there aren't any lewis' here, or maybe one of the sound guys is, louis doesn't know.  
"yeah, just tired," louis replies, tries on a smile and from where he can see the image of the interview rolling, it looks pretty fucking realistic. the interviewer smiles too, and louis stares at the bright pink lipstick staining her front teeth and wonders if he should tell her about it or not. he decides not to, maybe lewis will tell her.

"oh, can't sleep," this interviewer isn't particularly good at actually asking questions and louis wonders how exactly she got the job, "it's not the same without a warm body next to you if you're used to one, missing your boyfriend love?"  
"no," louis says with a smirk, and if he imagines hard enough he can almost hear the indignant squawk nick would be making if he was watching this right now, "i'm alright thanks for your concern."

he's not though, itches to pick up his phone to check if nick's sent anymore texts and actually googles the bbc radio one iplayer so he can listen in to the last part of nick's show, tells himself that it is live and nick's fine.

-

 _i don't miss you either brat_.

nick sends, once the interviews aired on the telly and the internet, and louis smiles at his phone ridiculously until niall thinks that it's far too much for anything normal and the lads tackle it out of his hands. they're pleasantly disappointed with the message and send copcioius amounts of inappropriate texts back until louis declares he's taking them all to court because that behaviour is illegal. it distracts the lads enough for them to look it up (and, well it _is_  illegal and liam does a good impression of that viral video with the kid that gets super upset about accidentally stealing a cup) and there's just one message from nick waiting for him.

_hi one direction can i have louis back now_

louis slowly types out _i do miss you, i hope you're okay_  and then deletes it all and tries again and it just comes out as something strange; _twenty one year olds don't have nightmares_  but that's so cryptic that louis cringes at it. he spells out a _you suck why are you so far away_  and rather likes it, but then spots the message above that says my dick misses you and sticks with _the last one was actually me_. nick's not really fooled though.

_is everything alright?_

_peachy._

and, well everyone knows, especially dirty hipsters like nick grimshaw, that peachy is actually ironic. and yeah, everything's not fine but louis doesn't know how to say it or what to say or even anything, doesn't want to bother about it and turns his phone off.

-

the worst thing about the nightmare is that it's not just _the_  nightmare. maybe if it was one repeditive nightmare where it just happened over and over in his mind maybe he could just like google the shit out of it and work out it what it means and then like that would someone how make it better but it's not like that. it's moving; like the dream shifts and changes and it's not always the same every night, it's a bit like a game in the fact that he moves on to different levels and different plains and his character keeps on dying, keeps on drowning, or falling or being shot or something.

and, louis knows it means he's scared of losing nick, so scared he's afraid to close his eyes and sleep just in case he has to watch nick die all over again, but he doesn't know what from.

(one time that became a beginning repeditive, a giant sloth decided nick was the perfect cuddling companion, and really louis can see why, and stole nick so they could go live in whatever jungle sloths actually lived in. and then, louis finds himself there, he doesn't know how or why, and there's a million different ways nick doesn't make it; poisonious butterflies and piranas, falling from the trees and various jungle preditors and just, louis can't see what kind of onminious sign this is. what do cuddly giant sloths even mean? is louis afraid greg james wants to steal his boyfriend? who ever heard of a poisonious butterfly?)

besides, louis asks himself, how do you even tell someone you keep dreaming about them dying in lots of different painful ways? do you just spit it out whilst you're cuddling on the couch, or when they're shovelling food into their mouths as quickly as possible when they're late for work? perhaps maybe in the shower whilst they're making sure not to get any conditioner into your eyes, blurt it out and then screech because they got the chemicals into your eyes and it fucking hurts. or, even when they're bitching about all the milk being gone, complaining that you've left the empty carton in the fridge and you say "hey so i keep dreaming of you dying, i can't be responsible for any comfort milk consumption."

and, as ridiculous as those ideas are and as much as louis laughs to himself it doesn't make any difference when it's time to sleep, shuts his eyes but spends all of his night thinking of nice things like nick's freckles and rocky road ice cream.

-

"you need to look after your boy better," pixie says when instead of a lunch date out at some fancy resturant, she and nick spend it on the couch with take away and one direction live interviews on the telly.  
"he's a grown man, on his own tour with his world famous band, he's perfectly capable of looking after himself," nick replies and flips her off, but she's too busy staring at the bags under louis' eyes and how he's so tired he can hardly concentrate, too busy watching as he looks about to freak out on stage to notice and nick feels his stomach churn. louis misses a step on stage and trips into harry, and they all laugh it off as a joke, but louis' smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"fuck," nick says and pixie looks at him, passes his phone over wordlessly.

-

harry picks nick up from the airport, sneaks off just before louis demands a band cuddle, and the phone rattles insessantly with new texts constantly through out the drive back to the hotel. nick glares at the phone buzzing around in the console, his head is aching a little and he's fucking tired from his a million hour flight or whatever it was, and he just wants the stupid thing to stop.

"your codependant bandmates want you," nick says unhelpfully, looking petulantly over at harry turning their vechicle into a fancy car park.  
"your boyfriend wants me," harry replies and nick huffs, picking up harry's phone and glad that harry doesn't change the passcode, tapping it in and staring at the long list of insulting texts streaming in from louis.  
"he's so creative and well thought out," nick says proudly, grinning at the screen and harry ignores him, just parks the car and pops open the boot, "how did your people even let you out the hotel?" nick asks as harry hops out the car and around to get nick's ridiculous amount of lugagge.

"my people?" harry says dumbly, looking at nick with a raised eyebrow, "you know i'm not ke$ha, right?"

and well, nick _knows_  that, rolls his eyes and walks off in a huff because sometimes harry just doesn't _get_ it. (but in reality, nick finds it honestly endearing and basically, he fancies himself a magician. the whole distraction thing or something, right? where you make someone focus on one hand and do something with the other. he says one thing, and what he really means is something entirely different. in this case, he just doesn't want to carry his bags all the way up to floor five hundred and seventeen or whatever floor one direction are on and now he's got an excuse as why he's not that doesn't sound like he's lazy. he's a genius really.) 

the lady at the front desk of the billion star hotel ("no, harry i'm fairly sure they make billion star hotels just so you lot can stay in them, only the best for one direction.") gives nick a funny look when he asks what floor, but harry comes up laden with bags and directs him to the elevator. there's an actual bell boy in the elevator and nick spends the entire ride up gawking at him in his funny little hat and shiny clothing and "you just press buttons all day, oh my gahd, what a boring job."

("shut up grimmy, don't be so rude." harry hisses from behind the luggage and nick ignores him on the grounds he can't really hear harry, "i'm sorry about that," he says to the bellboy. the bellboy shrugs and doesn't offer to help harry with nick's bags when they get off at the right floor, even though it's his job description and harry hisses at nick once more.)

"which room," nick doesn't even bother posing it as a question, looks expectantly over at harry with a serious expression on his face, but that doesn't last long as all he can see is a mop of hair over the top of a pile of bags.  
"twenty three gee," harry supplies helpfully, slightly muffled, and nick strides off down the corridor, biting at the dumb smile that's threatening to light up his lips because he's going to see louis, he's actually going to see louis.

louis does not answer the door when nick knocks at it hurriedly.

"i told 'ya we don't want no fucking room service," a voice says before the door flings open and an annoyed looking niall horan peers out at nick suspiciously, that look drops right off his face when he sees it's just nick, "oh, you're not room service."

"no, good spotting," nick nods seriously, but niall is grinning like an idiot, like he's actually happy to see nick and nick smiles dumbly back, watching as niall turns back to whoever's in the room and shouts.

"lou, room service brought something for you!" it's basically in nick's ear and he has to take a step back, laughs as louis yells something like fuck off and don't want no room service, before niall's chuckling heartily and yelling out once more, "oh, trust me, you'll want _this_."

it takes endless minutes for louis to appear, wearing one of nick's stolen sweatshirts and he looks like he's just woken up, looks kind of terrible. there's bags under his eyes, deep and dark and round, his skin is pale and his shoulders hunched like he's just able to hold himself up. liam follows behind him, hand upon a shoulder like louis might die if he's not got someone to support him, and nick feels his god-awful churning in his gut, "oh baby," he breathes out before he really thinks it through and goes to reach out and pull louis in for a cuddle. louis' eyes flick up properly, and focus almost lethargically, and he stares like his contacts aren't in or he's not sure he's not dreaming, but grins when nick's fingers rest upon his arm. it's like the warmth and the weight makes it real and he launches forwards as best as he can, tripping over his too long sweats to get to nick.

"grimshaw," he says fondly, "you're okay." and nick doesn't know what to think about that.

"'course i am, not going to die without you," nick rolls his eyes over dramatically before tightening his arms around louis properly, tugging him close enough that he might be just a second away from being inside nick's skin, and hugs like he might die without louis. seems to have been the wrong thing to say though, because louis hugs so tight it might just break nick's ribs, buries his face into nick's chest and huffs out little intakes of breathe that sound _painful_.  
"of course not," louis says but it sounds tight and wrong, and nick makes a face at louis' band mates over the top of louis' sticky, messy hair and and they obediently shuffle along, making strange flapping hand movements into the hotel room and zayn follows along, the three of them making lewd gestures as nick walks louis back into the room and shuts the door.

nick gets an arm around louis' bum and hefts louis up, carries him over to the plush lounge suite and plops down heavily onto it. louis gets jarred into him painfully, elbows and knees knocking, but he still clings like a limpet and this problem needs to be sorted out.

"what's up love," nick asks quietly, into the mess of louis' hair and louis looks up, his eyes kind of dull, but shiny in that way it looks like he's going to cry and nick's heart wrenches sharply inside his ribs, like it'd do anything to make louis smile, "what's going on, what's the problem?"  
"no problem," louis says in a small voice that doesn't convince nick at all. "i hate that you feel you can't tell me," nick replies and it makes louis stop like he's travelling at fifty miles an hour and hits a brick wall, a ginormous crunch and his eyes widen a little.

"it's not that i can't tell you," louis murmurs, looking away again, "it's just that it's so dumb it doesn't matter. like, it's so dumb it makes babies look like einstein or something, you know? it's so dis-proportionally dumb that the word is going lopsided with how dumb it is."  
"can't be as dumb as me getting upset over not knowing how to ask for a cuddle," nick says with a grin, and louis bites at his lip as he remembers it, smile increasing exponentially as he tries not to, and then full on laughs. it's glorious.

"no, it can't be that dumb," louis agrees through giggles, letting go of nick to cover his mouth as if that will help keep the laughter in.

"now that we've made fun of me enough, perhaps we can talk about what's bothering you," nick suggests when louis' laughter dies down, and well now nick knows exactly what will cheer louis up no matter what. it's a bit worrisome that nick's misfortune does the trick, nick thinks, honestly louis should be more supportive, but he's just glad louis' smiling once more.  
"hold on," louis replies and dips his head forward to place a feather light kiss upon nick's lips, before straightening up and wiggling a little too much for nick's liking on his lap, "that's better," he smiles and this time it's soft, kind of light too and nick smiles back.

"you're not sleeping."

(it's not exactly an accusation; but it kind of feels like one, and louis is on _tour_ he can't afford that, and nick never ever wants him to have those sorts of problems so he's annoyed. louis needs to stop downplaying his problems.)

"i sleep," louis rolls his eyes, but it only draws attention to the bags underneath them and nick reaches up to swipe at them gently with the pad of his thumb, and worry must creep up his brow because louis seems to deflate and shrugs, "maybe."  
"do you know why," nick prompts hand slipping to the edge of louis' face, tracing over his jaw line and louis shrugs again but nick knows it's more than that. it scares him a little how well he seems to know louis.  
"it's dumb- " louis shrugs again and nick wants him to stop thinking that things that trouble him are dumb. wants him to stop with all this nonsense.  
"dumb is not knowing that seventy per cent of the world is water," nick says seriously, and then frowns, "wait, that's the actual statistic, right?"

"you're dumb," louis says affectionately.

"and you've been having nightmares, haven't you?" nick asks and he doesn't even need louis to verbally respond because he freezes up in nick's lap, like he's hit that fucking brick wall again and nick reaches out and pulls louis in tight.  
"no," louis says and he really means yes and nick understands that. understands that as louis holds on tight, fingers bruising into nick's skin, face buried into the crook of nick's neck. his breath huffs out warmth and quite and nick hugs even tighter, lets him get everything under control.

"they're about you," louis murmurs so quiet that nick nearly doesn't hear it over his heartbeat, "the nightmares about you. and, well mostly, you die. but it's never the same you know, like if they were the same it'd be like a message or something, but they're not, they move and change and it scares me and you _die._ every time you die, no matter how it goes orhow through it goes, or what i do something bad _always_ happens and i don't want you to die nick, okay? please don't."  
"babe," nick says because he doesn't know what else to really say, and that's the dumbest thing of all; that he doesn't really know how to make it better and that's all he really wants to do. "that's not dumb."

"hmmm," louis looks up, pulling away from nick's neck, and the skin there is left wet, and louis' eyes are shiny but kind of shiny in a good way, like hopeful and promising and nick knows this doesn't solve anything but there's got to be some lame hypnosis or something that helps with that kind of stuff, or maybe like an insomnia and sleep disorders clinic. louis' got the money he could properly buy a non-existent magical elixar or some shit.  
"it's only a little dumb," nick concedes, because it's dumb that louis hides stuff like this and he gasps as louis punches him in the stomach for that one, wheezes a little and flails around calling out for his 'puff puff' which is in his bags, still with harry.

"i'll make you puff puff," louis says and it's meant to be a joke but nick's eyes darken and he grins up at the boy in his lip, wriggling his eyebrows somewhat ridiculously, and tugs louis just that bit closer.  
"how about we start fixing your nightmare problem by wearing you out so you'll sleep so deeply nightmares won't reach you?" the wriggling eyebrows don't stop as he suggests it and louis finds it a little hard to take nick seriously, but he grins again and nods.

"you're dumb," louis says again but he doesn't say that twenty minutes later, nick's fingers inside him and mouth hot and wet around him.


End file.
